Sometimes I think I’ve heard every question imaginable with my dating advice service. Then I hear a new one! Helping singles navigate online dating for over 25 years, every now and then I pause before responding.
These are questions from both my existing clients and singles who call me struggling with online dating:
1. Michael, a 44 year old architect asked me this: I have been on 3 dates with one woman but there is no spark, no attraction from me. Should I keep trying and see if I suddenly feel physical chemistry?
When he asked me that, and I knew him pretty well, I read between the lines and knew she felt the spark, but he didn’t. My general rule of thumb is that if you don’t feel attracted by date #3, it probably won’t happen. Yes, it sometimes happens on date #1, but I’ve seen it happen on dates 2 and 3 just as often. After that, no. And Michael wasn’t looking for more friends. The best course of action is to move on!
2. Do all women on the internet want marriage? John was widowed after a happy marriage of 31 years and told me he would never marry again.
No, John! Many people, both men and women, in their 50s and 60s do not want to remarry. I hear it over and over again. They want a long-term relationship or maybe live together. Again, I always laugh when someone who told me a year ago, they would “never” get married again, calls and tells me they are engaged. So, never say never!
3. She texts me and we have great conversations. Should you ask her out?
Oh my god, yes! Waste of time here. The whole point of online dating is to meet in real life – and chatting gets you nowhere!
4. Why am I getting low quality men responding to me?
Ok, I can think of 3-4 good reasons. You’re on the wrong dating site/app, your photos are poor quality and boring, you need help with your dating profile because it’s vanilla or your messages (or lack thereof) don’t stand out. Hi how are you? It shows zero effort and is even worse than sending a heart/like/wink.
5. Why haven’t I had online dates? (common question)
See my answer to #4 as that sums it up. Or maybe you’re negative on your profile—you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve read online when I help clients with online dating. Examples: making an offensive political statement, talking about a bad marriage, or how bad the dating site you’re on is. Positive people attract……positive people!
6. Laura, 49, had a wonderful first date three weeks ago with John, 51. Now he just texts her and claims he’s super busy at work. Her question: How long should I wait for the second date? I really like him!
Laura you have two options here: cut bait because actions speak louder than messages. Alternatively, ask him specifically for a concert or event with a specific date. Example: Hi Mike, I have tickets for the Red Sox Friday against the Yankees. Would you like to be my guest?” You will know from his answer (or lack thereof) if there is interest on his part in a second date.
7. can you please call me I have exciting news to share with you.
OMG, I called her right back—it’s tempting me too because I’m dying to know what happened on her 4th date with Thomas. And yes, this was exciting news. She was so happy and she made my day!
8. I met a woman online and she has 3 children living at home under the age of 15. I am single, never married, not interested in having children. We went on two dates, we enjoyed each other. She wants to introduce me to her children—I feel it’s too soon. what are your thoughts
Ahhh, that’s actually a few questions. 1. You have to ask yourself: If this turns into a committed relationship, you’ll likely be cast as a stepfather. How do you feel about it? 2. Two dates and a meeting with the children? Wow, this is fast and can be confusing especially for the young kids. Is it common for her? Show her dates after only two dates? 3. Does it make you angry? Well, it makes me fear her motives. It’s too much, too soon. 4. Should I continue to see her? Maybe. maybe not. Does she know you don’t want kids? Does it mean only yours? Communication is going to be the key factor here. The sooner you have an honest, heart-to-heart conversation with her, the better.
9. He made it clear on the first date that he just wanted to go out. I want a long term relationship, eventually I see myself married. We have been on 4 dates so far. What do you think?
He made it clear from the start — even though you might not like it, he was honest. There are lots of fish in the sea. Look for someone with the same goals and values.
10. How long after I meet someone are we exclusive?
Read between the lines, that’s what you want right? I wrote a whole blog about it—most of the time it happens quite naturally over time. Sometimes one side brings it up; Maybe like this “I’m thinking of taking my profile down because I want to see you. How do you feel about that”? It could be date #10, #20, and I’ve seen it happen just as quickly as date #4. Every relationship is different. If you want it— ask first in a nice way and express your feelings. No one wants to be forced into it!
If you have a dating question, submit it! I not only help with online dating and writing online dating profiles, but many dilemmas that arise during the first month as an online dating profile consultant and love coach.
happy dating,
Andrea McGinty Dating Coach & Dating Consultant 702-494-7344 (Don’t forget to message me for a 15 minute dating consultation) Founder, Founder 33000Dates.com, It’s Just Lunch (Sold)