1. reads a lot
It not only improves your vocabulary, but also makes you more interesting.
2. spokes method
I’m a fan of this technique. Okay, think of a bicycle wheel. You have the hub, then the spokes. You are on a first date; He mentions that he is a huge football fan and starts talking about the Patriots and Tom Brady’s big loss a few years ago. You know zero about football, tuberculosis and you’re not from Boston. He is in the hub — you jump to the spoke. “Oh, I grew up in Toronto where hockey was the sport. Have you ever been to a hockey game?” You easily made the conversation about football only, without acknowledging that you know nothing about football. This strategy works for many subjects!
3. interrupt politely
Last week, my client Amelia was on a first date with a pilot—- who kept flying for 20 minutes. She jumped in during a tiny break in the conversation and said “Wow, I feel like I know so much about you. What would you like to know about me?” It worked — and probably saved the date!
4. Listen actively
No, you don’t think about what you’re going to say next because you’re present.
5. Call the sentences
Kayla comments over a beer on a first date, “Oh, I’m praying it doesn’t rain tomorrow because I have a pickleball game and then a pool party.” She just told you a few things about herself: a.) she plays pickles, b.) the use of the word “pray” signifies maybe she has faith in God or religion and c) she is social.
6. tone
Yes, words tell us a lot, but the tone conveys excitement, boredom, frustration, happiness and much more.
7. do not hesitate
Pausing is fine—but you want to convey confidence. Confidence is sexy!
8. Scan the news
Current events are always a good topic for first dates. esp. Positive stories/unique stories.
9. Expression
Essential—except for playing poker! A smile goes a long way.
10. Strive to touch
He’s a computer geek (and you’re not) — an easy question is “What do you think about AI?”
11. empathy
Sometimes people confuse this term with sympathy. Empathy is simply the ability to understand and share the feeling of another.
12. Be concise
Ok, we all tell stories — but a long crazy story is …. bore.
13. Disclosure of facts
Share a little information about yourself, but nothing you wouldn’t want to see quoted about you the next day on the internet/Facebook/Instagram.
14. Sincere compliments
These reap benefits and can reassure the other person. “Oh, I love your sunglasses—may I ask where you got them”? Stay away from stares—- I can’t tell you how many online compliments I see that are “wow, you’re stunning” or “great body – you must work out a lot” — yuk. and Ike. Before a date on an online dating site: I have a client who is quite successful in the business world. Her profile did talk a bit about a career, but it wasn’t bragging by any means. She had several messages from men who complimented her on her business success. The guy who got her? Here’s his message “Wow, you actually host Thanksgiving for 40 people and do all the cooking yourself? Now I find that an accomplishment.” She loved that comment—and these two have been together for a year.
15. Use body language
The statistics are something like — 80% of communication is body language, 20% words. Fidgeting on the phone, looking around the room, poor eye contact, folded hands are all signs that you are uncomfortable and don’t want to be here.
Need help writing an effective online dating profile? Or send unique messages online that receive responses and dates? This is what I do…6 days a week for over 25 years and love it! I’m a free 15 minute phone call away. Why not find out if I’m right for you?
Happy July dating!
warmly,
Andrea (Valona) Https://www.33000dates.com Founder, It’s Just Lunch (Sold)
702-494-7344 (I’m on the East Coast)
Things I provide: dating counseling services for ages 25-75, help navigating all aspects of online dating, writing your dating profile, weekly online dating coaching calls, and the all-important online photo check! Oh, and find you the right dating site for your demographic and geographic area!